Bittersweet Choices
by sha
Summary: Angel must make a choice. Will it be the right one?


Title: Bittersweet Choices 

Author: Sha 

Rating: PG13(?) 

Disclaimer: Not mine 

Summary: Uhh- Not sure how to describe this one but I set it in the future and took some liberty's with facts and events. 

notes: My first B/A piece. (I do a terrible Angel/Buffy) 

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I couldn't even keep her warm. I had no body heat to give as she lay shivering on the floor of the cave. 

As I lay wrapped around her cooling body, I prayed for the first time in 247 years. As I prayed for the impossible, I also damned myself for what I am, for what I had gotten us into. 

The demon in me rejoiced at the pain she felt ,hungered for the blood that came from her wounds. My soul cried as my only love whimpered for relief that I couldn't give and that I was sure wouldn't come. 

How many times had she risked her life for me? 

Too damned many to count. I try to tell myself that I've risked my life for her too, but it's a lie. I was never truly at risk, I just took rash chances to make myself feel better. To assuage the guilt. It didn't work, it never does. 

"I see you're still talking to yourself, doing the guilt thing. I would think that four years of happiness with her would have stopped that." 

"Doyle? What-I-oh boy. I'm doing the dead ghost thing again. Go away Doyle. Or whoever you are. I don't have time for all this." 

"No man, you don't. She's dying Angel. She's about to draw her last breath. You can save her. Only you. Her friends are close, but they wont make it in time to save her life;but to save her soul, they will." 

"Are you suggesting what I think you are? Do you believe that I'm that stupid!?" 

"Now hold on, here me out. If you turn her she wont lose her soul right away. She's the Slayer, you're a souled vampire. She'll sleep, not long, Slayer's healing and all that. Then she'll awake. She'll be confused, hurt and pissed but still souled.Still yours. By the time her friends arrive, they can restrain her and do the same spell you had done. If you don't turn her Angel, she's gone forever." 

"Sorry Doyle, but there's too many holes in your theory. She's the Slayer. The Slayer of vampires and you're wanting me to turn her into one. To say she'll be confused, hurt and pissed is an understatement. I would be responsible for killing everything that makes her so special. I would put out the flame, the fire that draws people to her. I can't-won't do it. Besides, to have her cursed to a loveless existence like me? Have you gone crazy!?" 

"Love will find it's way through, in the end it's up to you. You don't have much time, she's going to die Angel.Soon." 

"And sometimes love isn't enough Doyle. You know that." 

Shaking his head sadly, Doyle faded away, leaving me to my dark thoughts. 

Looking down at Buffy, I thought of the past, of all that had brought us to this and all she had endured for the sake of humanity. A desperate feeling raced through me. 

How could I do without her, how could the world? Heaven help me, but I wished it was Spike in here with her. He'd make the decision and never think twice. Damn the repercussions. 

"Bloody right I would! Nice to see that you haven't changed a bit Peaches." 

"Oh shit, I am cursed. First Doyle, now you? What do you want Spike?" 

"You're not very bright are you Angelus? To think I got killed for you. Bloody hell, I should have let you died and fucked the Slayer myself.Now, what's to think about? You bite her, she bites you back and she's your new queen." 

"That's the thing about you Spike, you don't think ahead to the consequences. All that sounds just lovely doesn't it? Remember Dru? Can you imagine Buffy in a situation like Dru?" 

"Buffy is no Dru. You don't give her enough credit or you give her effect over you too bloody much.Doesn't matter, your time is up, chose now or lose. Last thought for you 'Sire', how pissed would she be to know that you didn't do anything because you didn't think she had the brains to handle it or you could lose her?" 

As Spike too faded away I turned to see that Buffy had indeed turned gray and took a last shuddering breath before laying still. If I didn't do something right now, I would never get the chance again. It felt that no matter what direction I took from here, all would be lost. 

I just hope that God and everyone can forgive me for the choice I made. 

The End 


End file.
